Bipolar in Barbados: A Memoir of My First Manic Episode

On the brink of insanity

Christian was a normal young man in his early twenties living a regular life in Toronto with a great job, until something unexpected happened when on vacation in Barbados. It was as if a bolt of lightning had struck his brain, changing it forever and completely altering his perception of reality. Bipolar in Barbados: A Memoir of My First Manic Episode is a personal recollection of the events leading up to an unknown illness which was later identified as Bipolar Type 1. 

“Something happened to me over the last few months, something I can't explain. I don't

even know when exactly it happened. But the maddening question is why it happened,

why it happened to me. Why do I only sleep 5 hrs at night? Why when I wake up is my

mind racing? Why am I compelled to write it down and share it? Why would I do this

knowing that it will piss people off, knowing that others will see this as me trying to get

attention or seek some unknown ulterior motive? How long will this last? Will I ever go

back to plain old boring fading into the background me?

I had an experience, something that changed me (forever?) and all I've been trying to do

is to share that with those closest to me. All you've heard about is all the happy go lucky

stuff, and the pictures I send are all of good times, friends having fun, everyone smiling.

What you don't see is me waking up in a basement all alone wondering why this is all

happening. Sitting at a computer screen at 5am typing away till my fingers hurt not

knowing why hoping, and praying for answers so that this would all make sense. I've

never been so scared in my entire life. When I look in the mirror the face that looks back

seem familiar but something about it is different. There's something in the eyes that's

changed. Is it a holy fire? The fires of hell? Or something more tangible and real, the

struggles of one on the brink of insanity? I don't know, and that's what scares the hell

outta me, that basic innate human fear of the unknown. I was only hoping that my friends

and family would be able to comfort me, guide me, do anything so I didn't feel so lost,

confused and lonely.”