How to Be an Ex-Footballer

Peter Crouch’s 3rd book is another examination of the lives of football players presented in Crouch’s inimitable style. Crouch is an adequate TV pundit, no better or worse than some of his colleagues on BT Sports, but what he does have that some of the others don’t have is a sense of humour. You get the impression he doesn’t take himself too seriously. For that reason he is one of the more entertaining of the bunch. If you don’t agree with his assessment of the game he’ll still make you laugh. However How to be an Ex Footballer as well as having its expected fill of funny anecdotes also has a darker side. It is a cautionary tale of the pitfalls of life after the final whistle when the ridiculous amounts of money disappear as quickly as the chants from the adoring crowds. ‘You stroll up to a nite club as player league player and you’re straight in, no queuing, no paying, no hassle, people want to buy you drinks. They want to be your friend… then you finish and your invisible, no one cares. You go from 50’000 people singing your name every week to struggling to get a table in pizza express’ For the unprepared it can be daunting prospect hanging up your boots. It is sobering to learn that ‘around 40% of ex players go bankrupt in the first 5 years after quitting, a 3rd get divorced.’ Peter himself has managed to sidestep some of those pitfalls with his success as a pundit along with his podcasts and of course his books. In this book he examines some of the ways other ex players have also successfully forged a new life after their careers ended. It is a well researched book, he has spoken to quite a few ex players to compile for what is for the most part an entertaining read. The anecdotes both funny, Tina Asprilla’s condom range has got be seen to be believed, as Peter suggests, google it and look at the expression on his face on the box! and the revealing. Although it has to be said some sections are more entertaining than others, I didn’t find the chapters on politicians or owners held my interest as much as the ones on pundits, grafters or mavericks for example. The chapter on financiers though is the highlight of the book. It’s difficult to have sympathy for someone who was paid tens of thousands of pounds a week and lived a life filled with mansions and flash cars for not having the insight to prepare for the future. However as Crouch points out it isn’t totally ‘the fault of the player, it’s the people around him taking advantage.’ Give a teenager who grew up in the less fortunate areas of an inner city £40’000 a week and it shouldn’t be too much of a shock when the inevitable happens. So within the pages of this book we have stories from the likes of Neil Warnock, Eric Cantina and Vinnie Jones for example as they set out on a new career in such occupations as coaches, actors, restauranteurs, insurance salesman, painter and decorators, undertakers, fruit & veg sellers, preachers and even detectives. In conclusion How to be an Ex Footballer is an entertaining and informative read. There are however less interesting sections where the flow stalls a bit and it does peter out somewhat towards the end (no pun intended). Although it does pick up with the final chapter with more sobering accounts, this time concerning mental health and in particular the experiences of Aston Villa’s Lee Hendry. I listened to the penguin audio version of this book and wasn’t as impressed with the presentation of that. It is disappointing to find that Peter only narrates the prologue, it would’ve been nice the hear him tell all the stories. Also my copy had be inexplicably partially censored with some expletives ‘bleeped out’, but then later on that same expletive is left untouched. It was bizarre and irritating, also there was no mention of this before you bought the book. So that was a disappointment.

Poor, I like listening to books by those it's about, this is not like other peter crouch books where the man himself reads them. I am 70 per cent through and crouchy has read a mini chapter and nothing more. If books narated by the person is what you like, avoid this book. It's not a bad book just a let down with the lack of peter reading it to you when it clearly says narated by him and another yet he doesn't read much at all. For me it's 1 star due to this.

Fantastic insight to a world that nobody expects and brilliantly put across with Peter's uncanny knack of 'jokey head'versus 'serious head'. Loved it!