And i was writing on and on and on …. defining my feelings and thoughts …
But it was a little bit funny realizing the contradiction between what i thought, what i felt deep inside of my soul … and how i was acting on the stage of life.
… analyzing and defining myself … the one that i thought i was … deep into my soul … and the one from the outside world … i was realizing it’s such a huge difference.
And still … i was trying to be better … but all i was doing was … pretending … on and on and on.
But why?!
Why … this huge different between my inner self and the one from the stage of life?!
I knew the theory … and knew all i had to do … and i was really pretending … i was doing the right thing, but …
Well …. most probably my real problem … which was a huge one …. was probably that i was disconnected from my inner self.
I knew about that self.
I knew it exists … and i had to be one with it … and even if i was pretending i was doing the right thing … it was all a lie.
I was lying myself … pretending … on and on and on …
Why?!
Why?!
Why?!
Until one day … when i decided that i need to stop doing that … and practicing the process of self therapy … i started to be more honest in front of myself.
Cause … I was simple … wasting my life … pretending … and i really had to redefine myself.
I’ve started to write my first book at 16 … but then … realizing i could not publish it … i’ve abandoned the idea of being a … writer.
20 years later … i’ve started to write again … believing i will finally succeed … but i’ve failed one more time … not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later … i’ve started one more time to write … but this time … more as a therapy.
It’s what i’ve defined as … self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas … that were a lot related to me … and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts … in essays … becoming this way … maybe not a writer …. but what many define as … an essayist.
This is not a poet … and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry … but is still expressing his thoughts … into a similar way … as a poet.
And is not a writer … cause have not the ability to write for too long time … about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist… either.
I am just an ordinary person … that could be better defined … as a thinker.
Analyzing … and defining my life … practicing this process called … self therapy … i started to understand life … and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i’ve wrote … and wrote … and wrote … realizing one day that i’ve published tens of books …. not really understanding how the hell I’ve succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing … as a therapy.
I could even say … it’s a simple way of understanding who we are … but also a process that could help us … heal our souls.
I personally continue to … write.
It’s in fact … a non ending story that … at least for myself … will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all … i am glad … i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey … not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist… but …
Well …. most probably… i am on a good path.
And … i would dare to recommend to everyone … all what i am doing today.