Ministry of AfterDeath: chapter 1

Ministry Of AfterDeath is a bureaucracy in the clouds, where all earthly creatures go for processing after they die. This book is a fictitious account of a fly-on-the-wall documentary.

We follow William, an upper-class type, who is an administrative angel at the Pearly Gates welcoming depot. His job is to take people to relevant departments based on their earthly beliefs. His first customer is Anthony who shouldn’t have been there; the angel of death made a cock-up. To rectify the situation, William has to jump through several bureaucratic hoops; including first sending Anthony back as a dolphin and then a crow. In a later moving scene, Anthony eventually introduces his son –his human son- to his dolphin and crow children.

William has to hurry a terrorist to Hell before they break for lunch. The situation is complicated because the terrorist starts crying and they can’t admit anyone distressed into Hell, for violating Hell’s duty of care regulations.

Hell has all sorts of regulations which were introduced to make it more relevant in the modern age.  And because it’s negative reputation had led to years of recruitment and staff retention problems. Fatty Arbuckle was instrumental in triggering the reforms.

Hitler makes an appearance. His dog, Blondi, discovers how to eliminate factory farming of chickens on earth.