Frisky Business

THE BOYFRIEND EFFECT

I’m not boyfriend material. If a trail of broken hearts and a piss-poor record of failed relationships have taught me anything, it’s this.

My buddies are happy to give me shit about my latest breakup from here to next Sunday. Thanks, but I’d rather have a root canal. And a vasectomy. At the same time.

Relief comes in an unlikely package—the gorgeous and feisty Maren. She just so happens to be my best friend’s sister, so that’s not awkward at all. But I’m a man on a mission, and Maren is down to teach me all the ways I’ve been failing as a boyfriend. Apparently, there are many. And it’s all very informative—until I start to catch feelings.

Now it’s not just my reputation on the line, but my heart too.

MY BROTHER'S ROOMMATE

There are a few things you should know about my brother’s roommate.

Wolfie Cox is . . . complicated. And incredibly sexy. Unfortunately, he has an impressive stick lodged so far up his ass, he’s about as emotionally available as a chinchilla. Actually, that might be an insult to the chinchilla community.

So, naturally, I want to ride him like a bicycle.

He thinks I hate him. Mostly because I’ve led him to believe this. It’s easier than admitting the truth.

And while Wolfie is about as soft and cuddly as a fork, I’m the opposite. A good girl. Reliable. Conscientious. Oh, and completely panicked about an upcoming work conference.

Wolfie’s usually allergic to altruism, so when my brother convinces him to help me out by escorting me to said conference where everyone else will have a plus-one . . . I say thanks, but no thanks.

Surprisingly, Wolfie is unflinching about this. And that’s the story about how I got stuck in a hotel room with my brother’s hot (grouchy) roommate.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

In all seriousness, this isn’t a game to me, and hormones aside, I need to impress my boss this week so the promotion I’ve worked hard for doesn’t get handed to his worthless nephew. But with Wolfie and me sharing a hotel bed, things get confusing quickly.

THE STUD NEXT DOOR

Life threw me a curveball. An adorable eight-pound, four-ounce curveball with her mother’s eyes and my dark hair. I’d like to think my single-dad game is strong, but honestly? I’ve been struggling a little.

When a beautiful young woman moves in next door and offers to give me a hand, I jump at the chance to hire her as a nanny. Jessa is amazing with my daughter. She’s also patient, kind, and way too pretty.

The number one rule of hiring a nanny? Don’t bed the nanny.

It’s a rule I intend to keep.

But as the days pass, I begin to realize how much my life is missing. Companionship. Romance. Intimacy. When I discover my heart has space for one more female, it’s a lost cause, another curveball. The hot-as-hell nanny is leaving soon for a mission trip to Central America. No sense in letting myself fantasize about Jessa being a permanent part of my life.

The closer we get, the more difficult it becomes to keep my feelings in check, because my heart won’t listen. And neither will my libido.

Well, you know what they say. Rules are meant to be broken . . .