Call Me Mummy: the #1 ebook bestseller

Call Me Mummy is the first novel by British journalist, broadcaster, fitness instructor and author, Tina Baker. The woman in the department store isn’t paying her young daughter any attention, too busy on her phone. Pregnant, yelling at the toddler in the stroller and a sullen older boy trailing, she clearly doesn’t appreciate what she has. It is easy to entice the sweet angel away with promises of a puppy, and anyway, this foul-mouthed, tattooed slattern doesn’t deserve her, and couldn’t possibly give her the proper upbringing she needs. Not quite soon enough, Kim Searle raises the alarm, but her five-year-old daughter, Tonya is gone. CCTV reveals that a tall black-clad figure carried Tonya out of the store, after which the trail goes cold. A TV appeal yields numerous tips, but none pan out and, with her abrasive demeanour and provocative attire, Kim does not endear herself to the public. Soon, online forums, Facebook and Twitter are revealing a youthful history of drugs and sex, the press accentuate the negative, and the trolls enthusiastically do their worst, tagging her SCUMMY MUMMY. While her husband rages over this, for Kim: “The terrible thing has already happened. These f###ing amateurs can’t make her feel worse than she already does.” The woman who has taken her quickly discovers that Tonya is not the compliant angel she’d hoped for. She is determined that discipline will remedy this, but Tonya stubbornly refuses her new name, insists The Woman is not her mummy and can only be temporarily bribed. If the reader initially cheers Tonya on: “Everything I do for her is unappreciated. In my most despairing moments I wonder why I managed to end up with this peculiar child. One who neither loves nor likes me. One so disobedient”, after some months, the danger of this maintained rage becomes apparent. The story is told from multiple perspectives, and includes forum, Facebook and Twitter posts. It does perhaps drag a little, but this illustrates the tedium of the wait for any development, any news. Baker includes a sad irony in the similarity of several aspects of the upbringing of Kim and the woman who has taken her daughter. Readers are warned that there is copious use of expletives, quite in keeping with those characters, but it may cause offence. Baker’s depiction of this distressing experience is wholly credible, and the journey her characters take feels authentic. Readers will admire Kim’s steadfast friend, Ayesha, and cannot fail to applaud young Tonya for her persistence. Baker doesn’t give the reader a Hollywood ending; rather, she reminds us that, in the real world, we don’t always find out exactly what happened. She also deftly demonstrates what a leveller such a traumatic event can be: rich or poor, sophisticated or down-to-earth, the anxiety is just as destructive, the heartbreak equally profound. This is an outstanding debut novel. This unbiased review is from an uncorrected proof copy provided by NetGalley and Serpent’s Tail/Profile Books.